I can’t sleep when my kids are gone. I’m on day two or three of a mini-break from the children–they are with Mama visiting their Nana and Papa–and I need them to return so I can get a proper night’s rest. It might seem odd considering that B and G both produce a lot of noise during the wee wee hours–it’s not unusual for one or both to wake up crying at some point–but I can’t doze without the sounds they make.
Part of it is living in an overly quiet suburb. I like being in the city where you can hear car doors slamming or a late night driver whiz by, not the still of the night where the creaks of the house mingle with your own breathing. Part of it is that I’m an extreme chicken and have been ever since my father subjected me to episodes of The Twilight Zone with Talky Tina when I was only four.
I think most of the problem, though, is that I am an incomplete organism without my two little boys. They are like my appendages at this point, I really don’t know what to do without them, and I feel this most acutely in the dead of night, when there are no diversions available. B and G, I need you to come back home.
This June will mark the third year since my mother suddenly passed away, depriving me not only of my mom but my children a grandmother. She lived locally and loved her some babies–she had five of her own!–so it stood to reason that she would have played a large role in my children’s lives. As a result, her death was a huge blow not only to the living but the yet-to-be.
Into the void stepped Nana, my wife’s mother. Although she lives in Huntington, WV (a five-hour drive from here) she visits almost once a month, and it’s like the clouds part when she comes in the door. My three-year-old B runs to her and for the next three days I might as well not exist to him, and I don’t mind at all. She’s so good with him, so loving and cheerful, and honestly it makes my life so much easier, if just for a little while.
Nana is here right now, and when she arrived last night Baby G just stared at her. He’s still too young to really know who she is but give him a few more months and I’m sure he will be Nana crazy, too. I know I am.